Over at Uni Watch, there’s been an interesting discussion regarding Tecmo Bowl -- a late 1980s/early 1990s video game that, due to certain licensing issues, featured real players but nickname-less teams (e.g., the Eagles were simply known as “Philadelphia”).  Moreover, in place of the NFL teams’ actual logos, Tecmo Bowl created a series of “fantasy” logos.

Well, the 1990s video baseball game Hardball was similar in many respects.  Hardball was licensed by the MLB Players Association, but did not have licenses for MLB team names and logos, meaning that teams were known by their city/state names (e.g., the Tigers were simply known as “Detroit”).  And, just as in Tecmo Bowl, Hardball gave each team a “fantasy” logo in lieu of the team’s actual logo.  Generally speaking, these “fantasy” logos fall into five categories (these are from Hardball 5):

•Dull arrangements of letters signifying the team’s city/state.  Need a sedative?  Take a look at the “fantasy” logos for San Diego, Boston, Baltimore, Minnesota (zzz), Milwaukee (zzzz), New York (NL) (zzzzz), and the two leagues (which are just called “American” and “National,” as calling them “American League” and “National League” would have required licenses).  Kansas City’s “fantasy” logo also belongs in this soporific category – it’s basically just the word “Kansas” in a circle (and, interestingly, looks a lot like the Triple-A Omaha Royals’ logo, which is one of the dullest in sports).  Similarly, Texas’ “fantasy” logo just says “Texas” (natch).

•Generic symbolic representation of the team’s city/state: These logos look like bad tourist t-shirts.  San Francisco’s “fantasy” logo features the Golden Gate Bridge in the background.  Los Angeles’ “fantasy” logo contains palm trees (and, oddly, reads “California”).  New York’s (AL) “fantasy” logo is shaped like a big apple.  Seattle’s “S” is set against the background of that city’s infamous skyline (but, oddly, the logo is blue and orange).

•Sort of retro, but probably not intentionally.  Check out St. Louis’ “fantasy” logo – it’s boring, but I sort of appreciate Hardball 5’s decision to use “SL” as opposed to “StL,” since the Cardinals wore “SL” at various points from 1902 through 1939.  Meanwhile, Philadelphia’s “fantasy” logo features a “P” that is somewhat similar to the “P” on their mid-1920s caps.

•Right initial, but otherwise confusing.  This category is frustrating because you get the sense that the Hardball 5 designers could have gotten the logo right by not adding some pointless or downright inappropriate detail.  Montreal’s “fantasy” logo is the perfect example – it has a blue “M,” but also bizarrely features the word “Jets.”  Meanwhile, Detroit’s “fantasy” logo contains the initials “DP” – which is, obviously, only half right (unless we’re talking about Detroit’s basketball team).  Chicago (NL) has a “C” in its “fantasy” logo, but the “C” is inexplicably purple.  Pittsburgh also has a purple initial and, adding to the confusion, there’s a black cat sitting on top of the “P.”  Cleveland’s “C” seems to be obscuring a crown (or is that a mitt?).  And then there’s a pure case of country confusion: Cincinnati’s “C” has a maple leaf in it.

•Totally off the mark:  In this category, you kind of get the sense that the Hardball 5 folks were going for pure revisionism.  Atlanta’s “fantasy” logo is the head of a tyrannosaurus rex.  Houston’s “fantasy” logo features an ox (is this a reference to the Astros’ then-Triple-A team, the Tuscon Toros?).  Anaheim’s “fantasy” logo features a baseball inside a horseshoe.  Oakland has a ball and mitt (which would have been much more appropriate for Milwaukee, of course).  Colorado’s “fantasy” logo features an Indian head (which could have been a perfectly fine logo for the Indians or Braves).  Toronto features a halo-encircled baseball (a logo that would have worked perfectly for the team formerly known as Anaheim).  And, in perhaps the greatest departure from the real team’s actual identity, the mascot featured in the “fantasy” logo for Chicago (AL) bears a strange resemblance to the 7-Up red dot character.

Ultimately, only one “fantasy” logo even comes even close to approximating the real thing: check out Florida’s, which – just like the Marlins’ actual logo – is circular, contains a fish, and has (deliberately illegible) teal writing along the circumference.  Still, this isn’t too satisfactory: the fish is, after all, a dolphin (wrong sport!) – and it’s facing the wrong direction. 

Thankfully, for those with enough free time, Hardball 5 offered a corrective: gamers were able to redesign their teams’ logos.  It was painstaking, pixel-by-pixel DIY work, but – given the absurdly inaccurate logos we were dealt – it was an absolute necessity for any proto-Uni Watcher.